You asked me how I'd been; I guess that's when I smiled and said "just fine"...

...Oh but baby I was lying...

I'm not doing this anymore. Putting any effort into ever finding a relationship is completely and utterly fruitless. It's like waiting for rain in a drought: useless & disappointing. My heart knows what it wants, and finding it/getting it back is proving to be close to impossible.

...I held back the tears; held on to my pride and watched you go. I wonder if you'll ever know...

I think I was so excited by the prospect of maybe not being alone for awhile, that I actually convinced myself of feelings that weren't really even there. I think there was some degree of feeling there, but nothing compared to what I was saying I felt.

...What I really meant to say is I'm dyin' here inside. I miss you more each day; there's not a night I haven't cried. & baby, here's the truth: I'm still in love with you--that's what I really meant to say...

In the end, I'm right back where I was before: wishing for something I can never have. Only this time, I won't let my friends know. As far as they are concerned, ke took jrb right off the table, and he's not coming back. The fact that I am still pining over him can be our little secret. Oh well. I'll just stick with Hugh Laurie ♥--he never disappoints.

...What I really meant to say is I'm really not that strong. No matter how I try, I'm still holdin' on. & here's the honest truth: I'm still in love with you. That's what I really meant to say...

xoxo
Allyson Rae
"peace, love & music."