Friday, July 17, 2009

The Object of My Affections

I will not lie--I have fallen in love with a fictional character.

This may or may not have happened before.

First there was Harmon Rabb

The Navy Commander Tomcat Pilot-turned JAG lawyer.
He was handsome & strong and a hero.
I was 13 & in need of saving.

Then came Luke Danes


The rugged, silent-type diner owner.
He had a heart of gold, a set or good morals & an endless supply of coffee & donuts.
I was 16, & he was rough around the edges.

How could I forget Dr. Gregory House.


The grumpy, antisocial, curmudgeon with a pain problem & a Vicodin habit.
But he played piano, & guitar, and he was a doctor--a sexy doctor.
I was 18, & he was a beautiful mess.

While I loved these men dearly, & quite nearly gave them all I had, there is one man who has entirely captured my heart.

His name, my friends, is Professor Severus Snape.


Ah, yes--the collective set of gasps I just heard was just exactly the kind of response I expected. So HOW in Merlin's name could I possibly find myself attracted to the "dungeon bat" do you ask? Well, it's quite simple, really.

Above all, he is brilliant. The man became a Potions Master & a Professor by the age of 21. He has invented several new Potions of his own, while finding ways to improve upon already existing Potions, rendering them more efficient under the pseudonym "the Half-Blood Prince." He is also proficient in the art of writing his own spells, as well as some of the rarest forms of magic known among wizard-kind. (At this point, I beg of you--do not burst my bubble about the nonexistence of the wizarding world. As far as I am concerned, magic is real, Hogwarts really hides somewhere in Scotland, and the owl carrying my letter got lost or died on its way.)

Severus is one of the bravest men anyone could ever imagine. He willingly put himself in harm's way by serving as a double agent between Light and Dark. By risking himself to Lord Voldemort in order to bring information back to Dumbledore & the Order, he saved countless numbers of lives, and was really, as much of an asset to the cause as Harry Potter himself was.

He is wise and mature, which draws me to him in ways I cannot describe. The person I am longs for an intelligent conversation, not immaturity, which is what I find in the majority of men my age. I need stability and passion, not nonsense and a lack of tact.

Professor Snape has this mysterious, brooding quality about him, which instantly attracts me to him on a physical level. He is tall, foreboding and intimidating, but yet his dark eyes hold something inside them that shows me he has a heart and soul worth reaching out for. I feel he is capable of receiving love--as well as loving others himself, although it would be a difficult struggle for him to really allow himself to open up. The man is jaded and hurting, after all.

But then maybe that is why I latched on to him in the first place. He is damaged, in desperate need of repair. And I am in need of someone whom I can fix--or ultimately, someone who can fix me. It seems to be a common link between the men I bring into my life (fictionally speaking, of course.) Harm has spent much of his life in a desperate search for his missing father, while Luke is still reeling from the tragic losses of both his parents when he was younger; his mother when he was a child, and his father when Luke was near 20. Dr. House is more obviously broken, with the damage to his leg, and the abuse of prescription painkillers. But his pain runs deep, to an emotional level, where he struggles with the ideas of love, and commitment, and hope. Severus Snape is much the same, hurting physically from the effects of acting as a spy (which ultimately leads to his death--but we won't discuss that, because in my mind, Snape lives forever. Another bubble I'd prefer you let me keep from bursting thankyouverymuch.) as well as emotionally from the loss of his childhood best friend/love, Lily Evans. the mother of the Chosen One. The guilt he feels over her (and her husband's) death is insurmountable, and the price he pays is heartbreaking in and of itself. He sacrificed so much of himself for that cause, and has nothing to show for it.

Severus Snape is a brilliant, misunderstood, mysterious, and noble man, who deserved so much better than the hand he was dealt. Perhaps this is why I love the dark and brooding man in the billowing black robes. Don't take me the wrong way. I will continue waiting on my real life "Half-Blood Prince" to come along, black cape and all. But until that day comes, I will continue to find myself lost in love between the pages of the books where he resides.

Author's Note: For the record, this was more a character study of Professor Snape, and the romantic aspect of this post should not be taken seriously. I am not actually "in love" with a character from a book. Or any television shows. These men are merely considered "fandom infatuations." I enjoy watching television shows, or reading books, and spending hours analyzing the characters and the plot-lines. I find it more interesting than analyzing my own life. haha. However, I will admit that if I ever meet a man with the many qualities possessed by Severus Snape, I would not hesitate to melt over him like a popsicle on the fourth of July. :)