Just a collection of my quote-y
Xanga posts from the past couple weeks. Made some progress? Perhaps. It's like one step forward and one million steps back sometimes, but I'm trying.
6/13/10:Oh my gosh. So I was about to post a nice little quote-y update like I've been doing lately, when I made my daily trip to Datingish. I was reading through the most recent blogs, and on the Reader Spotlight blog where they repost some of the best comments from the week, they FEATURED my comment! It made my entire day, even though the story I was retelling still brings tears to my eyes. *sigh* but anyway, I'll link it
here, just because I'm mondo excited about it. :)
^^PostSecret<3^^
And now, back to the Quotes :)
I don't care how far you are from me, or how long it's been since we talked. I don't care how mad I got at you, or how mad you've been at me, you're still what matters most to me and I'm never gonna give that up. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
ive never been able to get over you, youre the only guy that i have ever had these strong feelings for. Knowing that at one point; you felt them as well, makes me wish things had been different. But its never too late. So please, open your eyes; its supposed to be us.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in this whole getting over you process, it’s that your always going to mean something to me no matter what happens. Your always gonna be somewhere deep down inside me. Even when I’m happily married to the man of my dreams, if I were to run into you on the street and those gorgeous brown eyes were to meet mine, my heart would skip a beat because I’ll never forget you and the way you made me feel.
I hope that someday, you find an amazing girl. The kind of girl who means everything to you and makes you want to spend every moment of your time with her. The kind of girl who keeps you up at night, just thinking about her beautiful smile, and when you finally fall asleep, she`s all you dream about. I hope she`s the first thing to cross your mind when you wake up in the morning. I hope she changes you in a way you could never understand, yet you know it`s for the better. I hope she`s the kind of girl you would die for. The kind of girl who could make you cry, even though you`d never admit it. The kind of girl who makes you want to go out and do something special, something that means everything to the both of you. The kind of girl you can have silly fights with, then kiss and make up and hold her in your arms like you`re falling in love all over again. I hope you make memories with her her you never forget. I hope she`s your world, and what you have with her is nothing less than perfection. and I hope that one day, you lose her. I hope you mess up and as hard as you try to keep her there with you, she slips through the cracks of your broken heart. I hope it destroys you, because you realized you`ve lost the person you once called your everything. I hope you see every moment you spent together spin away down the drain like it was waiting to happen. I hope you stay up at night because she`s on your mind and when you fall asleep, she haunts your dreams. I hope her beautiful smile stays pressed in your mind like a scar that won’t fade away. I hope you realize that you`re a new person because of her, I hope your new self feels incomplete without her and you miss the old you. The one that was okay with being alone, because you’d rather be the heart breaker than the heartbroken.
I won’t fight to stay when all you want for me to do is leave. I’m not going to miss you when you don’t miss me. I’m not going to care when you don’t at all. I’m not going to try anymore. You’ve kept my hopes up for much too long. It’s time I start thinking about myself again and not you. It’s time I be strong. It’s time I let you go. It's about time I be happy. It’s about time I leave you alone.
***
6/9/10:When you are a little girl you believe in fairy tales. You say you're going to find your prince charming and he will be all you want him to be. In the fairytale the bad guy is easy to spot. He wears a black cape. Then you grow up and figure out that prince charming isn't as easy to find. The bad guy isn't wearing a cape. He's really cute and makes you laugh.
you know what sucks? finding out everything you believe in is just a total lie, like fairy tales, soul mates, true love. it's all just one big mess leaving you with heartbreak.
i loved you. and here's a news flash; you protected me from nothing. i spent time missing you, wondering what the hell i did wrong to make you do that to me. i thought everything was my fault. and even when I got over that, i still knew what i'd lost: you. you were the one who made me laugh when i had a crappy day. you were the one I vented to when i was mad, the one i shared all the good stuff with. you always knew when i was full of crap, and you always called me on it. you were smart, you were funny, and you were good-looking. You were mine. and then suddenly, you weren't. i knew every day exactly what i'd lost, and i missed you every day, and i believed in you every day, and my heart broke every day. that's the big favor you did for me. Thanks so much. here's the kicker - you weren't even protecting me. you were protecting yourself. if you'd give half a thought to me, you would have said goodbye.
**my mind is too numb lately to write my own feelings, because I cannot form coherent sentences. everything is all jumbled up inside, so instead I find the quotes that say it better than I ever could. The only thing I have to say thatis all my own is this:
it hurts. -A ♥
***
6/8/10:
It is one of life's tragedies when you meet someone that you know is meant to be, but due to unexpected circumstances and misunderstandings, becomes someone you knew. Or when you can walk right past someone that at one part of your life was a big part of your life, and how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life, and now you can barely look at them, and all you have left is that aching feeling in your soul...
I decided that enough is enough. That since you obviously don't care about me anymore, I'm going to move on. Easier said than done, I suppose. Because at the end of the day, i'm staring out the window with these tears on my cheeks. Just look at what you've done to me. you almost convinced me you were gonna stick around, but everybody knows, almost doesnt count.
I fill my days with memories of him. I remember how he used to look at me, as if I was his most valuable treasure. Has he found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder if we will be able to find our way back to each other. The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded with such a dark thought. I feel our bond grows weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it.
I don't regret anything: not the three hour phone calls, the stolen kisses, the smiles and laughs, not even the way you broke my heart. That's how much I loved you
I love my name just because of how you said it. I loved the way you'd stare at me when you thought I wasn't looking. I loved the way you'd lean in close whenever I told you something, even though we both know you heard me. I loved the sweet things you said to me, even when I was screaming at you. I loved how you loved me and weren't afraid to show it. I loved how you made me want to be a better person than I ever thought I could be. But mostly, I loved you. All the good things, all the bad, all the mistakes, all the surprises, all the imperfections, all of it... just because they were yours.
***
6/7/10:
i guess the saying "opposites attract" holds true for me. i'm passionate,& he's apathetic. i'm full of expressive, expansive doses of laughter, he waits for something genuinely funny. i do my homework, he comes to class empty-handed. i babble on to anyone around me, & he speaks only to those he has something to say to. i get nervous, and distorted, and overly emotional when i feel something is out of my reach, & he'll unabashedly go after everything he wants, keeping a level head. i want everything, & he wants only a selective bit. i've never learned how to let go, he was never taught how to hold on. i anchor myself onto everyone i have ever connected with, & he depends solely upon himself. i'm a chaotic jumble of half-witted ideas, and unnecessary glitter, & he's nothing but common sense. i'm spastic, & he is calm. i'll get distracted at the drop of a whistle, & he'll follow things through until the bitter end. i am never caught without a smile, & he's never caught with an unnecessary one. i'm crazily in love with him, while he doesn't give a damn about me.
I don't know what to do, we never talk anymore. We can't even look at each other anymore. I remember how it used to be, but do you? I don't know what you're thinking anymore. I've been trying to figure you out. But that's not working out so well. I love you, and you know that. So let's get this over with, so we can get back to normal.
There is this one boy in my life. He means a whole lot to me. I will never be over him, and I will never, ever forget him. I don't know where the roads of life will take up, but when I look back, he will be one of the people I will see first. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me want to be a better person. I get jealous all the time - but he is no way mine, but I cant help it. I would do absolutely anything for him, and I think he knows that. And people tell me to move on, or forget about him, but I never will. All the time I pretend nothing is bothering me and that I don't need him.
I'm scared. Completely terrified actually. Scared of what will happen
if I see you again & scared of what will happen if I don't.
I remember accidental brushing of arms. I remember the "chemistry" that started it all. I remember sitting on benches, couches, chairs, your fingers intertwined in mine. I remember you saying you would never let me fall. I remember the I love you's. I remember the gift, the surprise, the delight. I remember the goodbye. The I miss you's, wish I could kiss you. I remember the sleepless nights. I remember the fights. I remember the talk. I remember the war. I remember the tears. I remember the numb, the unconscious, the vacancy. I remember the last goodbye, the last touch. I remember you. Do you even remember me?
"I don't fucking care!" She screamed at him with tears streaming down her face. She shook her head with all the thoughts in her head. Her voice was shaky and choked up, but she didn't care. Her words made the point. "You know, I feel sorry for you. Don't feel sorry for me. I don't have any regrets at all. You're the one who makes yourself detached." She had the look of anger and pain on her face as she continued. "If I'm pathetic to you because I care, because I'm not afraid to love and I'm not afraid to put all I have into something, fine. Call me fucking pathetic because I care too much. I'd rather do that, then do the shit you do to people." She spat, and her words were real and held such impact. And with that, she walked away.
I wish you knew how much this hurts. How every second of every day I'm holding my stomach & fighting back tears. Just for one day, I wish you could feel how I felt and maybe you'd change your mind.
***
6/6/10:Maybe it’s true what they say. There’s always that one person who you never really get over. No matter how many other better people you meet, people who treat you better and love you better, in the back of your mind there is always that person you can’t quite completely forget.
It's not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It's about the ride. & you know what? When you least expect it, something great might come along. Something better than you ever planned for.
sometimes, i just miss that boy. the one who held my hand walking down the street, who's arms i laid in and never wanted to go away. the one who i talked to for hours and told pointless stories to. the one who knew everything about me and liked me anyway. the one who knew exactly what i was saying even if i didn't and helped me when i had no clue what to do. the one who showed me what love was and what it was like to need someone there. the one who could only make me cry and hurt me like no other guy could. those eyes that said everything, that sense of sarcasm that was always there; the way even he could stop from falling in love. that even though we fought constantly and couldn't stand each other, we couldn't leave each other's side. something is still there; something that never left me the day that boy broke my heart in two. something like your first love that wasn't ready to end. something that makes you stomach flip at the brush of a hand or arm. something that makes it so much harder to know that he's not yours anymore. something that makes you want to hide away and cry all those tears, because suddenly all of those memories come back and it almost hurts worse to know that it's all out of control. and you just miss everything about that boy that you don't think is ever coming back.
Because you're not mad. You want to be, but you just can't
And when you talk about him; your eyes still sparkle.
***
6/5/10:I liked when my fingers were entangled in yours, and my head was on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. It made me feel safe, like at that moment, nothing bad could touch me. I wish I could stay in your arms forever.
What exactly is a broken heart? A broken heart is forcing yourself to hang up the phone after you have dialed the first three digits to his phone number. A broken heart is the cold, chattering feeling you receive when you hear his name. A broken heart is when you're crying yourself to sleep every night and yet crying more and more each morning. A broken heart is glancing at the pictures of the two of you, and then quickly turning your attention to something else to avoid your tears. A broken heart is screaming and begging for a second chance inside, but not being able to say it out loud. A broken heart is the emptiness and heart wrenching feeling you encounter when you see him with other girls. A broken heart is knowing that no matter what you do or say to yourself, you cant fool your heart into believing that you will in fact be "okay." A broken heart is listening to that one song that makes you break down, on repeat. A broken heart is when you go from smiling uncontrollably every time you saw him to quiet tears every time someone mentions his name. A broken heart is when you try to avoid him but end up going out of your way just to get a glimpse of him. A broken heart is when you know you've been hurt, but have no idea how to fix it. A broken heart is when you finally realize that he's everything you need and at the same time realize he's the one thing you can never have.
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.
i want a guy who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me. hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. someone who would sing to me at random moments. who would let me sleep on their chest. a boy who would get mad at someone if they called me ugly or was mean to me. i want someone who would call me 3 times a day if he went away. someone who would let me gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything i said. he would throw stuffed animals at me when i acted dumb and then kiss me a million times. someone who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. he would take me to the park and put his hand around my waist and give me bear hugs all the time. but mostly i want someone who would be my best friend and would never break my heart.
Love makes you do crazy things, insane things. Things in a million years you'd never see yourself do. But there you are doing them and you can't help it.
Don't you realize what you are to me, and what you're always going to be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is going to be second best. There will never be another you.
nobody understands how much I miss you. I miss how much we used to talk and miss all the things we used to do. I try not to admit it to myself that I still feel this way. nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day. I still think of you and I really do miss you. I would give up everything I have to be everything we’re not.
We've had a lot of time to tell each other how we feel. But we haven't even spoke. Months have gone by and a lot of nights I've cried, and I still haven't seen your face.
I guess I never let you go, because in the back of my mind I still believe that someday we'll get our second chance.
Can't you see it? She likes you, more than you could imagine. It's in her eyes, it's in her voice, it's in her smile. She's so different when you're around, so much happier. You're the one for her, but you don't see that, do you?
I'm not perfect . I'll annoy you , tick you off & say stupid things then take them back. But put all that aside ; you'll never find another girl who cares & loves you more then I do.
I know that I should just let go, walk away, and not look back. But, I don't think I could handle knowing that you wouldn't care if I did
If he misses you, he'll call. If he wants you, he'll say it. And if he cares, he'll show it. If not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his.
I want you to look back & miss me. Miss everything that we experienced, everything we’ve been through. I want to stand out in your mind. And although I told everyone that we would always be together, I know we won’t. But as long as I was the one that changed you, I know it will all be worth it. In the end, everything is perfect. I want you to look back and miss me. And one day, you will.
I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. I'm mad for always apologizing for things I didn't do. I'm mad forgetting attached. I'm mad for depending on you and wasting my time on you. I'm mad for thinking about you, and most of all for not hating you when i should have.
It's not okay because he made me laugh. Because I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than who I am when I was with him. Because I don't believe that stuff about finding your other half, but because I do believe that what you look for is someone who makes you a better person when you're with them, who changes you for the better, who makes you the best person you can possibly be, and because I thought I had found that in him.
It's amazing how every girl has that one guy--that could call her up at 3 in the morning & say "lets hang out. I’m coming to get you." She'd put aside her show, her excitement, her anger or hate for him. She'd only give him four words: "Give me 10 minutes."
I'm not wishing terrible things on you. I hope you stay safe. And I hope that the people you are with care about you like I do. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be doing what you love. But I'd like you to never forget me. Maybe it's true what they say. There are those people you encounter in life who you never really get over. No matter how many other people you meet. People who treat you better and love you better in the back of your mind. There is always that person you can't quite completely forget.
***
5/25/10:"contradictions."
Dear Allyson,Don't worry, he'll miss you. You're the best he could get, and he blew it. Don't let him make you think for one second that this was your fault. It's not. He screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn't. And honestly, he's not mature enough. He's not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. But he didn't, and now he's gone. But don't you cry. Don't call him telling him you miss him. Don't IM him, don't message him, don't cmnt him, don't talk to him in the hallways.
Sincerely,
Your Brain.People don't stay in your life forever. Maybe he came in, you loved him, you learned from him, and now there's nothing more for him to teach you. Maybe your time with him is done. Maybe it's really time to just let him go. If he has more to teach you, he'll end up coming back. When you feel like talking to him, look up a new word that describes him in an asshole-ish manner. Keep a list.
Chances are I'll never get a moment like this again, so here's everything I ever wanted to tell you. No one has ever gotten me like you; I've never found anyone who makes me laugh like you. You're the one person who I can honestly see myself happy with; the definition of love to me is you.
***
5/23/10:So here's a piece of advice: let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. For surely there is someone out there who will love you even more
After you, I feel so damn vulnerable. I feel fragile like a wilted flower. Just one touch and I'd break. I swore I'll never break but then you came along and changed everything, you changed me.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe we'll ever get back together, and then I realize that we'll never really be over, in a way it hasn't changed, but in some ways, it has, its not that we arent meant for each other, I think its just maybe we aren't ready for forever.
