Dear Big Guy,
It's easy when I'm nowhere near him. I don't see him, hear his voice, make eye contact. I'm so...happy. I don't want to be with him. I don't want to try and make a relationship work. Hell, I don't even want to be friends. At all. Not even a little bit. He is the worst thing in the world for me, and I'm happy without him. He hates me for nothing, and if that's how he wants to feel, then I'm fine with that.
But just when I feel safe. I'm not worried about running into him anymore. I just don't even care at all. & then I chance going out and doing something...there he is. I don't know what it is. I'm happy with where I am right now. It's just...when I see him, I lose all rational thought. My stomach drops to my pelvis, my heart pounds, and I can't think. at all. It's not that I'm not over him, because I feel like I've crossed the Golden Gate Bridge four times with how over him I am. Jordyn says it's because he was my first "real" love. I hope that there's another reason, or that it goes away soon. Because its inevitable that he'll keep being in all the places I am; we live in the same place, basically. But if I have to feel the way I felt today every time I see him, I'll move to Peru to escape.
I hope he finds happiness, and gets everything he deserves out of life. I will always care that he is doing well for himself. But I am so happy with my life, and I'm happy with moving on and where I'm going right now. I don't need to forget how to think everytime I see him. So if I could just not see him ever again, that would be great. Thanks.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Walking across campus after my killer Psych Stats class this morning, only one thought was running through my mind: What am I going to order at Starbucks this morning? Yes, I am lucky enough to have a Starbucks right here on my college campus. And seeing as though I have a four hour break between classes, where do you think I usually end up?
Now normally, my go to drink is the simple, no-muss-no-fuss, Caffè Vanilla Frappuccino (no whip. I HATE whipped cream on my coffee drinks.) It's sweet, and icy, and the coffee taste isn't too overpowering. But this morning was a little nippy, and I wanted something warm. Hot chocolate wasn't going to do the trick--I needed the caffeine. I finally finished the trek across campus, and stood, staring intensely at the menu on the wall. When out of the corner of my eye I saw it. The beautiful picture that drew me in . "The Happy Return" it said. That just had to be a good sign. So I stepped out of my comfort zone, looked the barista in the eye and ordered it...the Pumpkin Spice Latte. She handed me my cup with a smile, and I settled myself at my usual table. I took a deep breath, brought the cup to my lips and sipped.
Each spice - cinnamon, clove and nutmeg - was easy on my palette, and while the espresso flavor was still a little strong for my taste, the overall drink was a lovely combination that I am thoroughly satisfied with. Made with 2% milk, and minus the whipped cream, this drink came in at only 240 calories, versus the 220 calories of my go-to drink. For only 20 calories more, I think it's a nice change of pace. Now that I know what expanding my horizons can be like, I won't stop here. I will courageously try several more signature drinks that I have been wanting to try, but lacking in the bravery department to actually do so.
In keeping with my pumpkin theme of the morning, I went all out and purchased the Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin, the one that has been teasing me from behind the glass for weeks now. This muffin was...something out of a dream. I texted a friend of mine, and this is what I had to say. "But this muffin. OMG it's to DIE for. I'm serious. I would sacrifice my life for one bite. If I'm ever on death row, this will be part of my last meal. I'm in love. Oh, Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin. I think that my wedding cake will be made out of you." Yes, this muffin really WAS that good. Moist and delicious, I actually ate around the cream cheese, because that put it over-the-top in the sweetness department. Although I could do without the candied pumpkin seeds on top. Just not my cup of latte I suppose. ;) This muffin comes in at a whopping 470 calories, but it was so sweet I could only eat half, so I'm clocking it at about 235. Which is still a lot, but nothing I can't live with when it comes to a muffin that is a gift from God.
Starbucks, you've done it again. I love you. However...my bank account isn't quite so happy. Indulging my habit has cost me about $50 bucks alone since the beginning of the semester. But the habit isn't going anywhere, so I guess I'm just gonna have to make more money. Hey TJMaxx! Time for a raise. ;)