Monday, September 27, 2010

It's easy...

Dear Big Guy,

It's easy when I'm nowhere near him. I don't see him, hear his voice, make eye contact. I'm so...happy. I don't want to be with him. I don't want to try and make a relationship work. Hell, I don't even want to be friends. At all. Not even a little bit. He is the worst thing in the world for me, and I'm happy without him. He hates me for nothing, and if that's how he wants to feel, then I'm fine with that.

But just when I feel safe. I'm not worried about running into him anymore. I just don't even care at all. & then I chance going out and doing something...there he is. I don't know what it is. I'm happy with where I am right now. It's just...when I see him, I lose all rational thought. My stomach drops to my pelvis, my heart pounds, and I can't think. at all. It's not that I'm not over him, because I feel like I've crossed the Golden Gate Bridge four times with how over him I am. Jordyn says it's because he was my first "real" love. I hope that there's another reason, or that it goes away soon. Because its inevitable that he'll keep being in all the places I am; we live in the same place, basically. But if I have to feel the way I felt today every time I see him, I'll move to Peru to escape.

I hope he finds happiness, and gets everything he deserves out of life. I will always care that he is doing well for himself. But I am so happy with my life, and I'm happy with moving on and where I'm going right now. I don't need to forget how to think everytime I see him. So if I could just not see him ever again, that would be great. Thanks.


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