I don't know if I have met you or not, but either way there isn’t a single day that goes by without me thinking about you. I think of where you are and what you are doing. I wonder if you are smiling right now, and I wonder if you are thinking about me. Sometimes, I begin to imagine you with your current girlfriend. Or perhaps you are nursing an aching heart? I have to ask: Do you miss her? Do you miss the way her hair fell in her face and how her smile lit up the room? Will the pain she has brought you cause you to appreciate me more when I show up? I hope so.
You see, I've always wondered if all of the awful things I've been through have happened to make me better suited for you. I figure that all of the heartache I've felt will eventually lead me to something amazing, like having you in my life. Maybe one day this struggle will bring me to where you are, wherever you are.
Let me tell you about how absolutely ridiculous I'm going to look when we meet. See, it probably will happen when I least expect it. I will be down on my luck, and it will feel as if it will never get any better. Perhaps I just began my first day on the job of my dreams, perhaps I just got fired. Maybe I will walk into a classroom with my computer under my arm and a cup of morning coffee in my hand. Maybe it will be a warm summer day, maybe it will be a blizzard in the dead of winter, or maybe a dreary, rainy day in the middle of spring. I can't really tell you the details of that day, although I wish I could. I wish I knew just how it would happen. But God will never let me know until it’s the right time for both of us to meet. He wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise for us. But I am sure it will be a day we will never forget. I apologize ahead of time if my hair is a disaster and my makeup is a mess. Oh, and I'm also sorry if my jeans are torn or if I just woke up on your roommate’s couch from a wild night of partying and I lost my pants. Really, I apologize in advance. Do not let this occurrence tarnish your opinion of me. I'm not usually like this, I swear.
Oh, and sorry if I make a fool of myself in front of your parents. I probably will. Also, about that inappropriate joke I told your mother... be grateful I didn’t get to the punch line. Here’s a hint: it involved a donkey, a priest, and a candlestick. You connect the dots.
I promise I will always appreciate you and who you are. I will appreciate your effort, your care towards me, your unconditional love, and even the times that you don't quite get it right. I will forgive you for forgetting our anniversary, for not picking up the ice cream like I asked, for leaving the toilet seat up, and even for changing the radio station in the car during my favorite song. I promise you, even if I seem angry and annoyed, I still love you.
Please accept all of my flaws and imperfections. Please understand why I fight so hard to keep you around. It’s only because I have never felt this good before. I have never felt that there is something there for me to fight so mercilessly for. There has never been a day in my life when the sun shone this bright, the sound of music delighted me this much, the sky was a shade of the clearest blue, and the stars were finally aligned just for us. I can also tell you now that I have never felt this way about anyone before. Not once. Not ever. Never again. I am all yours, and that means even the not-so-great stuff. But I promise to do my best when it comes to you and I, and together we will be amazing. Together until the very end, okay? When others were praying for insignificant things; I asked God only for you. That is why I fight so hard for you.
There will be days when I am angry at you, and days when I'm jealous or insecure. Those days will come and go and I will always end up remembering all the many the good things about you. The things that I have fallen in love with.
So today as you sit where you are, as you do what you do, please remember; I am here, and I love you already. This day in May all I can think about is you. I miss you and I bet I haven't even met you yet.