[I wrote this awhile ago, but sadly, it still rings true. Nothing ever changes.]
I am sick of living my life in circles.
You would think by now I know better - but I don't.
I've tried everything short of hibernation to stop all this. I waited; I stopped waiting. I held on as close as I could; I pushed you away. I decided to be your best friend; I didn't speak to you for months. I prayed, I wished, I hoped, I dreamed.
Nothing works. Nothing works.
Just when I think I'm getting closer; that maybe you've realized -- I'm always wrong. Why can't I get it through my head? YOU AREN'T COMING BACK TO ME.
You love me -- as your sister.
You want me -- as your friend.
You need me -- to talk to when you're lonely.
I can pray and wish and hope and dream all I want; it won't change anything.
I'm not the girl you set your eye; your heart on. I'm not the girl you want to call; to tell her "I love you." I'm not the girl you want to be with. I'm always just going to be your friend.
I LOVE BEING YOUR FRIEND.
I just hate not being your lover.
I need to face it; I'M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I am destined to be the cat-lady, forever and for always. *sigh*
I NEED YOU. I wish you could see it.
I WANT YOU. I wish you understood.
I LOVE YOU. I wish you loved me too.
"...This ain't Hollywood. This is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went & let me down. & it's too late I'm still waiting for you & your white horse to come around."
xoxo
Allyson Rae
"peace, love & music."
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