Monday, February 16, 2009

"Holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl; I should have known that I'm not a princess...

"...This ain't a fairytale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..."

[I wrote this awhile ago, but sadly, it still rings true. Nothing ever changes.]

I am sick of living my life in circles.
You would think by now I know better - but I don't.
I've tried everything short of hibernation to stop all this. I waited; I stopped waiting. I held on as close as I could; I pushed you away. I decided to be your best friend; I didn't speak to you for months. I prayed, I wished, I hoped, I dreamed.

Nothing works. Nothing works.

Just when I think I'm getting closer; that maybe you've realized -- I'm always wrong. Why can't I get it through my head? YOU AREN'T COMING BACK TO ME.

You love me -- as your sister.
You want me -- as your friend.
You need me -- to talk to when you're lonely.
I can pray and wish and hope and dream all I want; it won't change anything.

I'm not the girl you set your eye; your heart on. I'm not the girl you want to call; to tell her "I love you." I'm not the girl you want to be with. I'm always just going to be your friend.
I just hate not being your lover.
I need to face it; I'M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I am destined to be the cat-lady, forever and for always. *sigh*

I NEED YOU. I wish you could see it.
I WANT YOU. I wish you understood.
I LOVE YOU. I wish you loved me too.

"...This ain't Hollywood. This is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went & let me down. & it's too late I'm still waiting for you & your white horse to come around."

Allyson Rae
"peace, love & music."

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