Wednesday, March 18, 2009

& the hardest part was letting go; not taking part... really broke my heart. & I tried to sing, but I couldn't think of anything, & that was the hardest part. I could feel it go down. You left the sweetest taste in my mouth. You're a silver lining in the clouds. Oh, and I wonder what it's all about...

FYI: If you think I may be worth your time; if you think that you could love me--

Things I can't:
*I cannot let you in as quickly as you may like. I've been burned too many times and now I have a wall I am afraid to bring down.
*I cannot be expected make the first move. It always seems to be me reaching for something I cannot have. Like trying to touch a star. I know I'll never reach it, but I just keep trying. I want someone else to try; to fight for ME.
*I cannot spend my life waiting and wondering. If you want me, let me know it. If you don't, let me know it. Don't make me try and figure it out. I'm always wrong.

Things I am not:
*I am not perfect. You need to accept that and love me anyway.
*I am not graceful. I am clumsy, I spill things, I trip, and I never say the right thing at the right time.
*I am not your back-up plan. Do not treat me that way. I will not settle for second best. You either want me, or you let me go. Do not string me along for when you're alone and unhappy. I am not that girl.

Things I will not:
*I will not change for you. I love who I am, how I am, and if you don't, then I can't be with you.
*I will not settle for less than I deserve. You will treat me how I deserve to be treated, or you will be pushed away. I will not tolerate cheating; excessive, serious lying or any sort of abuse. You try it, I'm gone. Second chances are not for everyone.
*I will not compromise my values and beliefs for you. I can agree to disagree with things, but I will not bend my will to satisfy yours. I believe in God. I do not smoke or do drugs. I will not put out unless I'm sure it's right. If you can't handle that, get out now.

Things I can:
*I can make you laugh. Usually I'm not trying. I will say or do something so stupid, you will lose it. I probably will too. I may snort. Just laugh harder.
*I can sing you almost any song you ask me to. I'll sing you to sleep; I'll sing you a song all your own. I may sing songs you've never heard or songs you hate. Shutting me up is nearly impossible, but there is a way, and if you find it, you know I think you're for keeps. :D
*I can show you what it's like to be loved. I don't care if you think you've been in love before, or if you've never felt love in your life. If you are with me, you can bet I will love you like no other.

Things I need:

*I need to feel safe with you. If you hug me, and I don't feel right, there will be a problem. Hugs are important to me, and if I don't feel safe in your arms, I can't feel safe at all.
*I need you to be patient with me. My heart has been shattered and healing for quite some time now. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, and I need you to just keep trying; don't give up on me too soon. I swear to you, I'm worth it.
*I need to know you love me. Don't just say it; show it. I need to feel like when you're with me, you're with me, and when we're apart, you miss me. I need to feel special. I don't need extravagance; I just need to know I mean something to you. I need to know that the way I feel for you is not a one-way street.

Things I promise to you:
*I promise to be your best friend. You can confide in me anything, tell me your secrets, come to me with your problems & cry on my shoulder if you need to. I promise I'll hold your hand through anything.
*I promise to bring you soup and cookies when you're sick. And watch movies and stand-up comedy with you until you fall asleep, even if it's contagious and I have a show coming up.
*I promise to love you with everything I have in me. I may have been broken before, but if you earn my trust, once I'm in, I am all in.

We may not always agree, but if it's real, love will be enough.
Until we meet, love.

What is your love resume? MAKE YOUR OWN!

...Everything I know is wrong. Everything I do, it just comes undone. & everything is torn apart, & that's the hardest part. Yeah, that's the hardest part.

Allyson Rae
"peace, love & music."

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