Sometimes the night seems so long, when you're lyin' there all alone...

...& tomorrow seems so far away. I don't wanna live another day this way. Scared to let someone in; can't bear to get hurt again. But my body needs to feel a touch--someone come and wake me up. I just want somebody to love me. & I just need somebody to hold me; somebody to love me...

I just don't know. I'm in this funk that I can't seem to shake. I lay in bed and listen to music, half asleep, bawling my eyes out. I keep picturing the way things were, the way things should be, the way I want things to be. I lay there with Beanie and wonder why I'm not good enough. I feel like it's always gonna be this way. No one is ever going to want me, and I don't understand why. I'm not like most girls. I'm not fake. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, unless I'm putting on a smile to hide the tears. What you see is what you get, you know? I'm not high maintenance; not at all. I don't ask much of anyone. I just need to feel needed and feel like I matter. I don't expect you to be with me 24/7, but I'd like to be somewhat of a priority, instead of just an option, you know?

...Don't wanna let life pass me by, never knowing what its like to be as real as real can be. Share my life and all my dreams.I just want somebody to love me. & I just need somebody to hold me; somebody to love me...

No, I'm not perfect. I'm not beautiful, I'm not always funny. I'm awkward, random, geeky, and occasionally too hyper to handle. My makeup always smears, my socks don't always match, and I'm not exactly lady-like. But I swear to God I can love you like you are looking for. I can make you laugh, challenge you to burping contests and sing you songs you've never heard. [Or songs you never want to hear again--but I digress] I can be everything you're looking for and them some, if you were willing to give me a try.

...'Cause I'm hurt, and I'm scared, and I'm lonely. All I want is somebody to want me, 'cause I've got so much to give...

No one ever is though. And it's not easy, you know? To sit by every day watching my friends all happy and smiling because they have a hand to hold, while I sit alone, holding my own damn hand. I'm always a 5th wheel. That is, unless they haven't already all just gone off and left me alone to begin with. I just sit and smile, and try not to let it show how badly it gets to me that I'm still alone. It's not for lack of trying. No one is interested. I'm not meeting the right people. Or maybe the right person doesn't exist. Maybe I'm never meant to find my fairytale. My happy ending. Or at least "a nice person to hang out with 'till I drop dead...Not a lot to ask." [Oh Gilmore Girls, I miss you.] I don't know. Maybe the right person could be on the other side of this screen. Maybe he's out there somewhere, reading this and thinking the same things too. Maybe I'm just too impatient. I just have to keep telling myself that somewhere, someone is out there looking for me like I'm looking for him. Ugh...my head just hurts too much. I'm so tired of this. Tired of being lonely. Tired of...everything.

...I just want somebody to love me. I just need somebody to hold me; somebody to love me.

xoxo
Allyson Rae
"peace, love & music."