There's a lot of things running though my head lately. And for the most part, I've been keeping them to myself. I don't feel like talking to almost anyone. I get snippy and snap and easily annoyed. To be honest, there are only about 7 or 8 people I can stand lately. I'm just stressed and confused, and really missing some things from my past.
I'm realizing more and more that the people I care about most are more important to me than I am to them. I guess it's just something I have to face. It breaks my heart, but it's so true. It seems like I've been waiting on a miracle for years now, & it's just...never going to come.
I know there is a plan for me; an amazing plan God has all laid out and ready. But I keep wondering where me being alone and miserable fits in. I've gotten so tired of waiting and hoping; wondering when the One is going to come along.
...Here we are again, circles never end. How do I find the perfect fit? There's enough for everyone, but I'm still waiting in line. Who doesn't long for someone to hold; who knows how to love you without being told? Somebody tell me why I'm on my own, if there's a soulmate for everyone...
I know there is a perfect man for me, created especially for me by a loving God. He'll be funny and sensitive, but strong and protecting. His hand will fit perfectly with mine, like two puzzle pieces. He'll look at me when I'm wearing my Lucky Charms pajama pants and a hoodie, my hair in a ponytail and next to no makeup on, and he'll still tell me I'm pretty, even if I'm not. He'll love, or at least tolerate, country music, and make me laugh when I want to cry. I only wish I knew where he is; who he is--or if he's the one I already found and lost. Is my soulmate still out there? Or will I spend the rest of my life waiting, wondering and settling for second-best? I don't know. But either way, it's breaking my heart.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I just spent days practicing my Chopin Nocturne for my test today. It still wasn't good enough for me. B+. I could have done better. But at least it's over. Just one more test to go. Just two more weeks to go. Until SUMMER! I need a break from this college thing. Being a music major is definately more stressful than I expected.
I suppose I should start my paper that should have been done last Thursday. oops. Blogging is such a nice distraction. lol.
Most relationships seem so transitory--they're all good but not the permanent one. Who doesn't long for someone to hold; who knows how to love you without being told? Somebody tell me why I'm on my own, if there's a soulmate for everyone.
"peace, love & music."